Habit #1: Be proactive

It starts with self-awareness and other awareness.

Am I affected by other paradigms or ideas of me and what I am? Very likely.

3 social maps

There are:

1. genetic determinism
2. psychic determinism (aka emotional determinism)
3. environmental determinism

Society conditioned you to respond to some predetermined concepts. But do you have to, really?

Read about How Viktor Frankl Survived the Holocaust. He chose to overcome the circumstances, he exercised his mind to create more freedom than his captors had.

Between stimulus and response, I have the power and freedom to choose how I respond.

Between the stimulus and that corresponding response, there are four endowments that someone can use:

1. Awareness
2. Imagination
3. Conscience
4. Independent will

All these make us unique from the animals. We have the freedom to choose.

Proactivity defined

It means more than taking the initiative.

Proactivity means to take the responsibility of your life. Your decisions, not your conditions, will shape the results in your life.

Can you subordinate feelings to values?

Look at the word “responsibility” = Response + Ability.

Reactive people are influenced by outside circumstances (ex.: weather, people, feelings) and they tend to let them drive them.

Proactive people are still influenced by outside circumstances but they use their values to drive decisions. You can train the mind.

Roosevelt said:

No one can hurt you without your consent.

The greatest harm is the harm you inflict to yourself based on your response.

Can you say honestly that you’re what you’re because of the choices you’ve made so far?

It isn’t what happens to you that hurt you but your mere response. Of course, outside circumstances can cause sorrow but how you respond to it to overcome that “bad feeling” can transform your paradigm.

Have you known any individual who suffered for a very long time and yet used that circumstances to uplift people around them? Can you choose that same path of thinking?

What matters most is the attitude you exhibit in these difficult circumstances. What are yours?

Take initiative

It means to take decisions that make good things happen.

For example, in a family, if a child behaves irresponsibly and waits for someone else to make things happen or to find a solution, ask that child to use his/her R&I, e.g., Resourcefulness and Initiative.

Holding people responsible is affirming. The proactivity muscle exists in you and you may need to wake it up. By affirming that people can use their R&I is to give them the gentle nudge that will awake their proactivity.

Act or Be Acted Upon

To be proactive is to be smart, aware and sensitive to others.

But if you wait and depend on others to make things move forward, you’ll be disappointed and you’re the only responsible.

Do you believe that you can choose a positive response?

Not doing so is accepting the idea the what’s happening in your environment is what determines you.

So, ask:

1. What is happening to me?
2. What’s the stimulus?
3. What is going to happen in the future?
4. What will my response be?

Think creatively and resourcefully.

Stop blaming and take the initiative to accomplish the shared values and purposes of the family.

Listening to Your Language

Contrast between Reactive and Proactive Language:

It’s all about the responsibility you decide to take on.

Proactivity means actions, not letting feelings control us and become the reason we’re down.

So, subordinate feelings to values. Otherwise the circle of concern will overpower the circle of influence.

Consider and meditate the three influence areas:

• Direct control: you can do something about it because it relates to your habits.
• Indirect control: you can influence some situations through working with others to reach common goals.
• No control: you can’t do anything there (the weather, the past, etc.) and you shouldn’t spend any energy there. Like Dr. Covey said, all you can do here is to change the line on the bottom of your face, e.g., smile. Those circumstances should not control us.

A good life’s goal is to expand our circle of influence a bit more daily.

How Do to Determine If Which Circle You’re In

Are you a “have” person or “be” person?

Remember: anytime we think that the problem is out there, that very thought is the problem. Why? Because you let out there have the power of you.

You should read about the story of Joseph in the Bible even if you’re not Christian. It’s a great example of proactivity.

He was “response-able”.

Like Stephen Covey said: “Carry your social weather with you”.

Consequences Are Out of Your Control

Think about a stick: if you pick it on one end, you’re taking it as a whole.

The proactive approach to consequences (the opposite end of the stick) from a decision you took (the end of the stick you hold) is to accept it and learn from it.

With a wristband, you can snap out of the mindset of falling into the circle of concern when a setback occurs.

You’re in control: your response to any mistake influences the quality of the next moment.

What will it be?

Making and Keeping Commitments

The power to make and keep commitments to ourselves is the essence of developing the basic habits of effectiveness. Knowledge, skill and desire are all within our control.

~ Stephen Covey

Challenge: Be Proactive For 30 Days

How are you going to:

• handle a traffic jam
• respond to a irate customer
• respond to a disobedient child
• talk to other people when you’re tired

So for 30 days, work only on your Circle of Influence.

Start small and keep these commitments. And increase them. And keep them.

Be a light, not a judge. Be a model, not a critic. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

~ Stephen Covey

You can apply the principle on your marriage, family and job.

Remember: when the thought comes that the problem is out there, stop it and take initiative.

Examples of application:

• Listen to your language for a full day.
  • are you using “have’s” or “be’s”?
  • are you using “If only”, “I have to”, “I can’t”?
• Identity an experience that you responded reactively in the past, especially when it’s recurring.
  • Review the situation.
  • How can you respond next time in the context of your Circle of Influence?
  • Meditate on the situation in your mind and train yourself to respond proactively.
• Select a frustrating problem
  • Is it a direct, indirect or no-control problem?
  • What is the first step to take that is in your Circle of Influence?